How to Win Friends and Influence People

An outdated classic or a contemporary gem? Read on for a detailed review and summary..
An outdated classic or a contemporary gem? Do we need an introduction here? “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is the all-time classic and best-selling book in the categories of self-help / personal development. Read and utilized by millions of people across the world. I remember being introduced to this book by my dad long time ago, when I was too young to appreciate the benefits of such a book. 15 years later, I found myself reading it ferociously. It’s no surprise why. An easy to read manuscript divided into small easily-digestible chunks with practical advice and examples to back each advice up. Dale Carnegie did not just decide one day to write a book about strategies of personal relationships. Before writing the book he taught thousands of people on such techniques and through his classes and seminars heard and analyzed myriads of stories of success and failure in human relationships. This book is the result of a lifetime of work and experience in human psychology and relationships.Still though, the question of whether the advice in this book is dated remains. My take is that, the advice and examples given are indeed a tiny bit dated. However the overarching theme of each chapter and the takeaway messages are as strong and relevant now as ever. Here’s what you should get out of this book.(1) TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE* Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.* Give honest and sincere appreciation.* Arouse in the other person an eager want.(2) WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU* Become genuinely interested in other people.* Smile.* Remember that a persons’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.* Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.* Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.* Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.(3) HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING* The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.* Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”.* If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.* Begin in a friendly way.* Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.* Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.* Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.* Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.* Appeal to the nobler motives.* Dramatize your ideas.* Throw down a challenge.(4) HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT* Begin with praise and honest appreciation.* Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.* Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.* Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.* Let the other person save face.* Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”.* Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.* Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.* Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Rather nice and inspiring
When at the beginning of the book I found out how old it is, I was a bit shocked. I asked myself whether an almost a hundred-year-old book on a topic, that I mostly related to psychology, can teach me anything now. The introduction brought to me the first dissonance, being more like an advertisement, filled with opinions and stories of participants of the course that the author held. Nonetheless, when I started reading the actual content, it quickly became apparent that the book is not outdated.Each chapter of the book is devoted to a particular principle on what to do in human relations. Every chapter provides a set of stories and quotations. Some of them are from the lives of important American figures, such as Lincoln, Franklin, or Roosevelt. There are always a lot of stories from business, both on the big scale and small scale. There are usually examples from family life, especially in the parenting area. Some stories are from the participants of the aforementioned course.The author himself does not provide much of his own comments. He does it mostly in the couple of first chapters, and later on, he only occasionally provides some events from his life as examples of the usage of a particular rule in treating people. I do not find it a flaw, as most of the stories speak for themselves. From this perspective, limiting the author’s comments to compact summaries is a good idea.Concerning the choice of the stories, I think that most of them contribute something to the picture of the particular topic, not only because they concern different areas of life. There is also something enjoyable in having both the facts from important figures from history and normal people. The particular story is usually not limited to the chapter’s actual topic, which in my opinion causes more and more redundancy when the end of the book approaches.The morals of the book itself are not outdated. The stories themselves may be a little outdated, especially because they do not concern all the digital communication we now have. Nonetheless, the way of writing letters for instance, still can be translated to writing emails, and face-to-face conversations of course remain still in our times.Some principles of communication seem to be obvious, but nonetheless, using of them is not that common. I think that in normal everyday life, the book advices are still not well-established. I however feel like a lot of them are used by companies to manipulate us. This is ironic, as the author emphasizes that we have to implement the rules from the book truly; change our minds and hearts, and we cannot use them as flattery.The language the author uses kept giving me the constant impression that he wants to sell me his principles of living, but I didn’t find it bad, especially concerning how little voice the author himself has in his book.Overall, I got some inspiration and I will try to implement some strategies in my life. Reading the book was a rather nice experience, even though I feel like the value of the chapters decreases throughout the book.

Amazing book

Beyond doubt this book has been of considerable value and influence in my life. I’ve owned it in various editions and formats over the years and have consistently applied the principles countless times in numerous situations, and they’ve always proven to be effective, as they are as relevant today as they were when the book was first written. Basically, it’s timeless wisdom for getting the best out of social interactions and getting folk on side. As such, there’s a myriad of possibilities for use, and it works just as well for face-to-face interactions as it does for telephone conversations and online exchanges. It isn’t manipulative in the sense of trying to take an unfair advantage over one’s fellow man or woman, nor is it for lonely people who struggle to make friends (although they will likely benefit from reading the book). All it is is a set of courtesies and respect for others, with the planned outcome being that everyone benefits.Although it’s basically common sense, it’s common sense spelled out because as universal as these principles are, not everyone understands or utilises them. To me it’s a roadmap for a relatively smooth ride through life. Naturally, not everybody responds the same, and in some cases it will fall on deaf ears, but for the greater majority of time it will work wonderfully well.The book was originally written in 1937 but this is the revised edition. Nevertheless, the examples are still somewhat dated, with names and situations modern readers may not be familiar with, but the principles work and can be used with family, friends, co-workers, and the people who provide our daily products and services. In fact, they can’t not work because they’re based on how we fundamentally interact and relate to each other. It stands to reason that when we do so in a pleasant and civilised manner we’ll always get better results than we would if we’re hostile, self-serving or small-minded.As stated, much of it is common sense, but I resolutely believe the book still has considerable merit because there’s thirty-seven principles here; some of which may not be immediately obvious or may be overlooked (or may even be avoided because we don’t realise how much impact they could have). Also, although the examples belong to yesteryear, they still clearly expound the principles and show how and why they’re applicable to real-world situations. Regarding that, please note that there’s a modern version of the book available aimed at today’s readership entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age by Dale Carnegie Training. I have it as well, but still prefer the charm and style of the original.Finally, the book is composed of easily-digestible and manageable chunks, and this Kindle edition is nicely formatted. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a book for life that has served me well, that has been well and truly tested and proven to work.

J’ai offert à mon fils le livre “How to Win Friends and Influence People” pour Noël, et il l’a adoré ! Il a été vraiment absorbé par les conseils pratiques et les principes de communication présentés. Ce livre est un classique qui offre des insights précieux sur les relations humaines, et je suis ravi de le voir si enthousiasmé par sa lecture. C’est un excellent cadeau qui non seulement divertit, mais qui apporte aussi des compétences utiles pour la vie. Je le recommande vivement à tous ceux qui cherchent un cadeau enrichissant.